2005-02-10 - 5:19 p.m.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4252795.stm

Matters arising:

1. Who cares?

2. People seem so obsessed with the idea of her becoming queen or not that they seem to have forgotten Charles isn't King yet. She wouldn't become queen when they marry, you nerks. She'd become queen when The Queen dies and Charles becomes King, at which time everyone will be too pre-occupied by the facts that The Queen is dead (and it's so lonely on a limb) and Charles is becoming King to think much about Camilla (from Hunting Foxes) anyway. And it could be twenty years before that happens anyway, by which time they'd have been married about three times longer that he was married to Princess Diana, (from worrying about Land Mines in a Perspex Helmet).

3. There wouldn't be half as much hostility towards Camilla (from Dirty Phone calls about Tampons) if she wasn't a satchel-faced munter and had Lady Diana (from Simpering, Going to the Gym in Earl's Court and Having Sex with Toffs) not been a pretty lady with big sad eyes.

4. Who cares?

5. She's not going to be Queen anyway, and though nominally she will be Princess of Wales, she won't use the title, so your precious memories of Diana Spencer (out of Wearing Copious Amounts of Kohl on TV, Being Shy while Driving A Mini and Having a Shit Fountain Misconstructed in Her Name) needn't be tarnished by thoughts of Prince Wingnut (off of Fiddling with his Cuffs) having regal sex wiith his leather-visaged consort.

6. I miss the time when there was a protective mystique surrounding the royals, due to the then absence of 24-hour bullshit news and all-pervasive thinly-veiled media prurience in the name of 'public interest'.

7. By a shit fountain, I mean a fountain that is shit, not a Shit Fountain. Though that might have a been a much more impactful memorial. At least people could have got wet in it.

Mousemilk, BBC news, Windsor. Back to the studio.

Profilage - Previosity - Nextitude