The Hand that Cradles the Rock

2005-04-22 - 10:19 a.m.

Pope & Poop II: 24 hours in the life of the net

12:26:09 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&meta= 12:11:32 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=r@dcliffe shit&btnG=Search... 12:10:27 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=r@dcliffe shit&btnG=Search... 11:50:05 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&rls=GGLD%2CGGLD%3A2004-42%2C... 11:41:45 www.google.be/search?num=20&hl=nl&q=nazinger&btnG=Zoeken&m... 11:15:18 www.google.co.uk/search?q=poo p@ula m@rathon&hl=en&lr=&sta... 11:09:53 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLD... 11:09:29 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLD... 11:02:47 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe - Did she ... 10:35:08 members.diaryland.com/edit/view.phtml?user=mousemilk 10:27:03 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=themark 10:26:49 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=themark 10:12:54 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&meta= 10:11:08 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&meta= 10:05:43 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&meta= 09:53:43 hubbabub.diaryland.com/buddies.html 09:49:59 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula%20r@dcliffe%20shit&hl=en&l... 09:48:11 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula%20r@dcliffe%20shit&hl=en&l... 09:37:07 www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=m@rathon r@dcliffe shit&meta= 09:36:37 www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=m@rathon r@dcliffe shit&meta= 09:19:34 search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&srch_type=0&q=vidoes... 08:27:13 www.google.ie/search?hl=en&q=r@dcliffe shit&btnG=Google Se... 08:27:02 www.google.ie/search?hl=en&q=r@dcliffe shit&btnG=Google Se... 08:11:20 aolsearch.aol.co.uk/web?query=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&locatio... 08:10:01 aolsearch.aol.co.uk/web?query=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&locatio... 07:40:15 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&c2coff=1&client=f... 07:13:46 search.skynet.be/index.html?l1=search&l2=google&l3=home&a=... 06:41:42 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&hl=en&lr=&sa... 06:41:16 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&hl=en&lr=&sa... 06:40:57 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&hl=en&lr=&sa... 06:20:10 www.google.be/search?q=nazinger&hl=nl&lr=&start=10&sa=N 06:18:30 www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mo... 06:15:52 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo break&... 05:52:18 www.google.co.uk/search?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3... 05:46:36 www.google.co.uk/search?q=r@dcliffe%20shit&hl=en&lr=&safe=... 05:42:35 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit 05:19:12 www.google.ie/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=p@ula r@dcliffe... 04:59:36 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=%22p@ula r@dcliffe shit%22... 04:57:41 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=%22p@ula r@dcliffe shit%22... 04:15:03 members.diaryland.com/edit/viewnav.phtml?user=mousemilk&re... 04:14:54 members.diaryland.com/edit/view.phtml?user=mousemilk 03:26:45 www.google.de/search?hl=de&q=%22Cardinal Nazinger%22&btnG=... 03:10:05 www.google.com/search?q=p@ula%20r@dcliffe%20poop&hl=en&lr=... 02:38:06 www.google.be/search?hl=nl&q=cardinal nazinger&meta= 02:35:03 members.diaryland.com/edit/buddies.phtml 01:23:57 kristintracy.diaryland.com/050114_88.html 01:23:10 members.diaryland.com/edit/buddies.phtml 00:47:23 www.google.com/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop&sourceid=mozi... 00:46:14 www.google.com/search?q= p@ula r@dcliffe shit&hl=en&lr=&sa... 00:01:31 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop 00:00:26 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop 23:53:10 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop&btnG=Go... 23:29:15 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=r@dcliffe shit&btnG=Search... 23:21:51 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Pope Poop XVI 23:14:38 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop&btnG=Go... 23:13:24 www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poop&btnG=Go... 22:01:16 www.google.it/search?hl=it&q=r@dcliffe poop m@rathon &meta... 22:01:05 www.google.it/search?hl=it&q=r@dcliffe poop m@rathon &meta... 21:27:58 members.diaryland.com/edit/viewnav.phtml?user=mousemilk&re... 21:27:45 members.diaryland.com/edit/view.phtml?user=mousemilk 20:54:20 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLD... 20:52:20 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&rls=GGLC%2CG... 20:28:19 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=xquzme 20:27:11 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=xquzme 20:25:58 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=xquzme 20:23:35 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&client=firefox-a&... 20:22:16 members.diaryland.com/edit/profile.phtml?user=xquzme 20:09:01 www.google.com/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe m@rathon shit&hl=e... 20:08:26 www.google.com/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe m@rathon shit&hl=e... 19:58:30 toolbar.search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=TOOLBR&q=radcliff... 19:56:28 www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GG... 19:43:38 www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=%22p@ula radc... 19:42:56 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=RNWE... 19:37:38 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=RNWE... 19:32:52 www.google.com/search?q=anurag dikshit&hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&... 19:31:44 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLD... 19:29:39 www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLD... 19:19:57 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe poo&btnG=G... 19:03:49 members.diaryland.com/edit/buddies.phtml 18:06:17 www.ntlworld.com/searchresults/search_ntlworld.php?safe=of... 17:40:25 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&rls=RNWE%2CRNWE%3... 17:38:50 www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=off&rls=RNWE%2CRNWE%3... 17:23:36 members.diaryland.com/edit/buddies.phtml 16:32:29 europe.google.com/search?hl=nl&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&lr= 16:32:24 europe.google.com/search?hl=nl&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&lr= 16:32:21 europe.google.com/search?hl=nl&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&lr= 16:31:06 europe.google.com/search?hl=nl&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&lr= 16:15:10 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=p@ula r@dcliffe shit&meta= 16:00:26 www.google.be/search?q=nazinger&hl=nl&lr=&rls=GGLD,GGLD:20... 15:59:00 members.diaryland.com/edit/buddies.phtml 15:04:46 www.google.co.uk/search?q=p@ula r@dcliffe pee OR toilet OR... 15:03:04 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=p@ula r@dcliffe s... 14:53:59 aolsearch.aol.co.uk/web?query=p@ula%20r@dcliffe%20poo&loca... 14:52:27 www.google.be/search?q=nazinger&hl=nl&lr=&start=10&sa=N 14:50:20 aolsearch.aol.co.uk/web?query=p@ula%20r@dcliffe%20poo&loca... 14:42:41 hubbabub.diaryland.com/buddies.html 14:40:02 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=%22p@ula r@dcliffe%22 poo .. 14:39:01 www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=%22p@ula r@dcliffe%22 poo ...

Let’s break that down. First the most popular searches:

15 x r@dcliffe Shit
10 x p@ula r@dcliffe Poop.
9 x p@ula r@dcliffe Shit
8 x p@ula r@dcliffe poo

All pretty much to the point. We want to see p@ula r@dcliffe having a shit, and we want to see it now.
But I like:

m@rathon r@dcliffe shit
p@ula r@dcliffe m@rathon shit
Poo p@ula m@rathon
r@dcliffe poop m@rathon

All of which evoke the image of Britain’s Favourite Athlete engaging in some kind of charity cackathon. I’m not sure whether you’d sponsor her by total shitting time or per yard of do. Presumably someone from the Guinnness Book of Records would have to be out with a stopwatch and a ruler. Would she be allowed to eat as she went? Or do the shit m@rathon rules state one set of stomach contents only?

My last entry was, let’s remember, in two halves. One half concerned the momentous election of a new Pope, an incredibly significant worldwide event in the lives of over a billion Catholics. The other half was about a woman having a shit in the street. The Pope story attracted 6 internet searches. The story about a woman having a shit in the street attracted 61.

The Pope searches included:

Videos of Pope
pope nazinger
2x cardinal nazinger x2
2x nazinger

The p@ula r@dcliffe ones included:

p@ula r@dcliffe poo break
london m@rathon p@ula shit
and the prosaic:
p@ula r@dcliffe having a shit

I also like the investigative style of :

Paul r@dcliffe - did she poop?

But my favourites are:

"p@ula r@dcliffe" AND "steve cram" AND london m@rathon 2005 AND shit

and

p@ula r@dcliffe pee OR toilet OR shit OR piss

I love the steely determination. The leaving of nothing to chance. The ruthless scouring of the global information database in the quest for details of a skinny bint squatting in the gutter to expel faeces from her gut.

One searcher, though, excelled all these in entering a search term which covered both stories. What in the name of sanity were you looking for when you googled:

Pope Poop XVI ?

How am I driving?
7 pennyworths so far

Profilage - Previosity - Nextitude