2004-06-11 - 12:27 a.m.

Well, another Transit of Venus Day gone. They seem to come round so fast. The house is once again quiet and all that remains is leftovers and the prospect of exchanging unwanted Transit of Venus Day gifts. Ah, why do we do it? If it wasn't for the kids - would we bother?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3784293.stm

So, I was keen to observe this celestial event, seeing how I missed the last one on account of being minus 86 years old.

The advice that had been issued regarding observation of the transit essentially boiled down to two things:

1) This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to look at Venus pass in front of the sun.

2) DO NOT LOOK AT THE SUN.

Thanks. Thanks a bunch. No, it's all right, you can project the image through a telescope onto a piece of white card. OK, I'll do that then. Let's see, here's my white card, now where did I put my telescope? Telescope, telescope...oh dear, I appear to NOT BE AN ASTRONOMER.

So I did what any idiot male in my position would have done. I looked at the sun. While squinting a bit. That was just painful and blurry, so I improvised. Obviously I had to act fast - in just five short hours a tiny black dot would no longer to visible on the face of the sun and my life would have a perenially unfillable void at its core.

Now, you need to bear in mind I had just got out of bed and had neither dressed or put contact lenses in. Ergo, any passers-by could have looked up at around 8'o'clock yesterday morning and seen a man craning at an awkward angle by his living room window, wearing only boxer shorts and a pair of glasses. With a pair of sunglasses over them. And a pair of 3D glasses over them. And then they could have looked next door at my flat and seen exactly the same thing.

And I still couldn't see the bastard. Obviously. Because it was tiny. Hence the telescope advice. Now for the love of God put some clothes on, Copernicus.

It's a shame I didn't get to see this thing with my own torched cornea but there wasn't a great deal I could practically do about it. Still, stars and that are great, aren't they? I think it was Galileo who said that. The constancy of the constellations is, I think, an extraordinary thing. That we can look upon the same patterns of stars that our ancestors saw. The same patterns recorded and revered for thousands of years. And every time the tabloid press labels Cheryl from Girls Aloud or Gus out of Eastenders as a 'star', I like to think that up there, Beetleguese or Sirius or some little feller in the crab nebula weeps a sorry tear of poisonous flaming vapour. SEE MOUSEMILK'S LIST OF THE DAY!

Here's a quote I spotted from the end of the BBC piece:

"In a lot of ways, Venus can be considered as Earth's hellish twin because it has evolved in a quite different way to Earth," said Dr Andrew Coates, a mission scientist on Venus Express.

"It has a runaway greenhouse effect which has caused the temperature on the surface to be one of the hottest in the Solar System at 460C."

Hmm. Not really a 'hellish twin', is it, Andrew? So much as a 'planet that's a bit nearer the sun'. If it really was Earth's hellish twin, it would have evolved in an almost identical way to Earth. Except it would have a pointy beard.

Mousemilk's List of the Day

Yet to be discovered constellations:

1. Nando - The medium-hot chicken

2. Ronjeremii - The long, stringy penis

3. Casio Minor - The pocket keyboard

4. Elddiss - The Autostratus Suntor 6-berth Caravan

5. Dave - The roofer

Add your suggestions.

Profilage - Previosity - Nextitude