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2005-02-22 - 11:54 a.m. Sudan, Ya Movin� Too FastBritain is in the grip of a food crisis. Well, it�s not much of a grip. More the suggestive caress of a food crisis. Obviously I�m not overly concerned about consuming a colourant used in paint and floor polish - I mean I eat Pepperamis just like the next man. Unfortunately the next man eats them by bouncing on a mini-trampoline and snatching them with his teeth from the feet of a pelican, tethered to a ceiling fan. Perhaps I should consider eating them like the man after that, who just buys them from the BP garage and eats them in a layby. Note to self: don�t mix absinthe and Sudafed. Nevertheless, I felt obliged to check the list of suspect foods. It�s listed in alphabetical order of supermarkets and starts with a list of dodgy Aldi and Asda products. Surely if they sell it at Aldi, it�s dodgy by definition. Really, the Food Standards Agency should have put a �middle class� button at the top of the page which took you straight down to the Marks & Spencer section. While we�re on it, what kind of name is 'Sudan 1' anyway? I mean, if you�re looking for suspect additives, there�s kind of a clue in the name. I�m a big fan of Rwanda 5 flavouring myself. And Fallujah X preservative. Very moreish. Anyway, I�d done a Tesco shop a day or two before, so I shimmied to the fridge like a fluttering wildebeest. This was staring back at me.
It�s a finely balanced health equation. But my hand has been forced. Thanks to my hmming and harring - the bastard is now a day past its eat-by date. Fuck it. Chuck on a few frozen prawns and some Turtle Wax and it�ll be fine. How am I driving? 10 pennyworths so far Profilage - Previosity - Nextitude |