2005-12-07 - 6:56 p.m.

FAO:
Customer Services Manager,
Cineworld Customer Services,
Power Road Studios
Power Road
Chiswick
W4 5PY

Dear Sir/Madam �

On Sunday December the 4th I attended a screening of �Flightplan� at the Cineworld cinema in Hammersmith.

Let me briefly run you through the experience.

Having bought a ticket, I attempted to show it to a member of staff at the bottom of the stairs, who I had mistaken for someone with a remote interest in checking my ticket. I thought little of this, assuming there would be another member of staff upstairs who would be keener to see the ticket. There wasn�t. Upstairs in the Hammersmith Cineworld is a food counter and the entrances to two screens. No-one was manning the food counter. No-one was at the doors to the screens.

As I was early, I waited in this area for a while. A young couple emerged from one screening room. The man was clearly an opportunistic fellow. Opportunistic less in the sense of, for instance, starting a small business having noticed a gap in the refurbished laptop market and more in the sense of, say, trying car door handles as he walks up King Street. Anyway, he took a large cup (although this is probably officially �infant� size) and leaned over the counter, attempting to pour himself a soft drink. Nobody stopped him, because of course, no-one was there. Due to his lack of commitment, or perhaps his lack of opposable thumbs, the young man only succeeded in securing a few drops before abandoning the plan and the cup and following his girlfriend out of the building.

Still no-one came to man the food counter, still no-one came to check tickets. I entered the screening room and chose a central row and seat. To get to my seat and sit comfortably in it, I had to remove:

One empty tube of Pringles
One jar of salsa
Two empty coke cans.

And that was just the flotsam from a three-seat area. The cinema was full of rubbish. Clearly no-one had been in to clean, either between screenings, or, by the look of it at any time during the reign of the current monarch.

That there were no cleaning staff seemed commensurate with your general staffing policy. It was actually quite eerie. Like �28 Days Later�, but with fewer zombies. And worse seats. The seating in the Hammersmith Cineworld is of course horrible. The seats are old and uncomfortable and the fabric is worn out.

Perhaps Sunday is a quiet day for this cinema. If so I suggest it�s only going to get quieter with this level of service. In any case, if the cinema is open and I�m paying for a ticket, I don�t care if I�m the only customer of the day. I expect the cinema to be fully and competently staffed.

After the film I picked my way through the litter and left the cinema, looking back only to see that the wording on the illuminated cinema frontage looked like it had been arranged by an arthritic chimp. N�s were made by pushing together V�s and I�s. Other letters were too close together, too far apart, or different sizes.

This is of course only cosmetic but I feel I should bring it to your attention, as it contributes to the perception that the Cineworld Hammersmith is a disorganized shit-tip � a perception confirmed by everything else I experienced during one of the least appealing evenings I�ve ever spent at any cinema.

If you are trying to position Cineworld as the Netto of the cinema world, you�re making giant strides.

I for one shall be going the short extra distance to the Shepherd�s Bush Vue until I am confident the Hammersmith Cineworld has improved beyond recognition. The Vue may present a soulless, corporate cinema-going experience, but at least it doesn�t resemble the Banda Aceh Odeon.

I look forward to your comments.

Yours faithfully,
mousemilk

Profilage - Previosity - Nextitude